Monday, December 9, 2013

Slowly coming back...A journey from Post Partum Depression

Hey all,

It's been a while and even though I could blame Peanut (I've settled on that as an internet name for my little one) for the lack of posts, the blame is all mine. Well, blame might be too strong of a word. I've been trying to take care of my family and myself which leaves me little time for writing but I hope to slowly change that.

Among the reasons for not writing (who would have thought a baby would produce SO much laundry!) there is one which I am still trying to come to terms with. For the past couple months I have been battling Post Partum Depression. This confession usually brings out several predictable reactions in people and I have to say I've gotten off luckier than most. I have seen everything from the "just suck it up and deal with it like everyone else" to complete sympathy because they have gone through something similar.

I never, ever, ever thought that I would be dealing with post partum depression. I am a naturally happy person who usually manages to see the bright side of most situations and considering the support I have it didn't occur to me that I needed to worry about depression. I always thought it was the baby blues to a greater level than most people get because of the situation they were in or other factors in their life.

Boy was I wrong.

It started with the idea that if I walked down the stairs with Peanut he was going to die. Not that I would drop him, or he would fall down the stairs, just the simple act of walking down the stairs would cause him to die. Then I started crying at the weirdest of times like at nap time or when we were happily playing.

When the little voice in the back of my head started to tell me that if I stayed alive and near Peanut he would die I was persuaded to get help. I chose the word "persuaded" because all of these thoughts seemed completely normal to me most of the time. There was nothing odd or unusual to me that this running commentary was going through my head but in a blessed moment of clarity I told my partner I was having these ideas and off to the doctor we went.

I will spare you my treatment details but I will say it is ongoing.

I have learned several things which I wish I had known before starting this pregnancy journey which I want to share with you because there is so much shame and blame placed on both sexes who have come out about having it because there is an assumption that if you have post partum you are just selfish because your time is not your own any more or that you just can't cut it as a mother without help.

1. It does not have to be brought on by your situation: Post partum is usually a mix of situational and biological but it seems mine seems to be most if not all biological. I had a difficult pregnancy which ended with me having to be induced. My hormones were already out of line and my body being forced to go into labour has been described to me as akin to losing a limb. Your body is pregnant one minute then suddenly, before it was ready, it is now missing part of it. The baby which is suppose to be there is no longer attached. It was the best decision I could have made for Peanut but I just wish I had know what else it would do to my body.

2. Post Partum Depression does not necessarily mean you are sad: It can, of course, but I wasn't. I wasn't sad, or happy, or any emotion a lot of the time. I just was. I put it down to being sleep deprived but it was so much more than that. In my moments of clarity I felt like I should have been frustrated, overwhelmed, angry, happy, anything really. I just had fear.

3. It is surprisingly easy to dismiss it as "baby blues": Many if not most mothers go through the baby blues. Any behaviour changes of mine were blamed on them and even I was convinced that they were. When I did get medical help I wasn't exactly forthcoming in the beginning because I did not want to sound like I was seeking attention. I realize now if I had been I probably would have been able to get better quicker.

4. Post Partum Depression isn't all about moods: It is also about thoughts. Thoughts of suicide, your child hurt/dead, images in your head that no mother (or father) should see. They are not something that is part of the baby blues and often signal other issues.

If you or someone you know is suffering from Post Partum please know you are not alone and you can get though it. If someone tells you they have been diagnosed with it and your first reaction is to roll your eyes, please inform yourself of what they could be dealing with. It is hard enough to deal with without having to wade through the shame that is so often attached to this illness. I say that in the kindest way possible but your reactions could literally be the differences between someone deciding they need help and choosing to hurt themselves.

I am now on the mend and am trying to squeeze in some writing/studying into my life as part of my treatment (and because I am finding enjoyment in writing again). I've almost finished one book and I've got several ideas for another. I also hope to start the Story of the Month! again in January.

Thank you for sticking with my ramblings and I hope to get back into the swing of things soon!

Take care everyone!

Felicia.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Sunday Musings



Don't forget! You can find this month's story right here!

September 2013 - The Apple Tree

My apologies for not posting this earlier. I hope you enjoy reading and participating in the Story of the Month!

Welcome to the finished Story of the Month for September 2013! I have posted the sentences as they were written, only putting them into paragraphs so it was easier to read.

Contributors for this story are:
Sarah
garyntboy
tim
Hermione

September is the perfect month to go apple picking,' she thought as she swung her basket to-and-fro.

She looked through the heavy branches of her favorite apple tree to see the bright blue, cloudless sky above her and released a contended sigh. The trouble was, her favourite apple tree did not belong to her, but to her neighbour.

"But fortunately", she thought, "I know that there is a secret way that leads into the garden."

So she took off her long skirt, kicked off her shoes, and crawled under the wooden fence and through the prickly hedge, dragging her basket behind her. But alas, the poor girl had left her skirt and shoes behind in her haste to clamber through the brambles. Unfortunately, the hedge was so prickly that as she crawled through it, it ripped her knickers completely to shreds!

Unbeknown to her, the neighbours' son was watching all this from his bedroom window.
  1.  Thank you to all those who participated and I hope to see you all this at October's Story of the Month


Tuesday, October 1, 2013

August 2013 - The Lazy Black Cat

Welcome to the finished Story of the Month for August 2013! I have posted the sentences as they were written, only putting them into paragraphs so it was easier to read.

Participants (in order of appearance):
Herminone
sixofthebest
DelFonte
Tim
sunnygirl
Sarah
Rose
garynboy
Daisy Christian

August 2013 - The Lazy Black Cat

The lazy black cat lay stretched languidly out in front of the cozy fireplace. She opened one yellow eye and glared at the couple on the couch. And found the naughty lady bending over his knee's. The feline creature was annoyed; their constant bickering had ruined yet another peaceful nap.

"Why oh Why", she thought,"did they have to turn me into a cat of all things?"
"I know it's an easy life but I would rather be that woman right now"

She thought of a few things she could that would make him take her over his knee. But no matter what she came up with,she knew that all he would see is a pussy, not a woman with a voluptuous, round bottom that so needed a spanking. And so, after stretching out and then casually meandering into the kitchen, the cat tried its' hardest to ignore the loud slaps of hand meeting bare bottom.

At which point, when all hope seemed lost, there was a puff of smoke and the Fairy Cat Mother appeared in front of the startled but excited cat! The Fairy Cat Mother told the cat that she was there to grant her three wishes, but there was a stipulation.


"Three Wishes!" Exclaimed the cat, without once thinking of the stipulation that came with them.


"Ok the stipulation is."


"I don't care what the stipulation is I just want my 3 wishes!!" Exclaimed the cat.

"Well, my first wish", said the cat, "is to be human again."


The Fairy Cat Mother was not amused as she said, "Not so fast you impudent cat; we need to discuss the stipulation first, or there will be no wishes."
So the cat stuck out its bottom lip and pouted as only a cat can, and with an expression of complete disdain said "The stipulation is?"

"You must be spanked by midnight or else you will remain a cat forever!" The Fairy Cat Mother meowed dramatically!


And with a great flash, the cat was not only human but completely naked and bent over, ready and very willing to receive her punishment.
  1.  Thank you to all those who participated and I hope to see you all this at September's Story of the Month







October's Sentence Starter

Welcome to October's Story of the Month!

This month has been a little crazy for us, fraught with computer problems, blogger issues and general mayhem and chaos. Most of it I would never trade...Hope you've had a great month!

Please review the rules to learn how to play here! If you have a suggestion for a sentence starter please feel free to contact me! I also invite other bloggers to join on their blog (I already have one!). I'd love to have a list started so either send me an email or leave your blog below with your sentence.

Happy writing!

This month's Sentence Starter is:
The broom glided silently through the spruce forest, needles brushing sharply against her cheeks as she flew by.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

September's Sentence Starter

Welcome to September's Story of the Month!

Lasts month's story was quite the success (I think I'll let people continue writing it for awhile since it seems to be still a work in progress) and I invite you to find your inner writer as we step into the fall season (which happens to be one of my favourite). Anyone have any snow yet?

Please review the rules to learn how to play here! If you have a suggestion for a sentence starter please feel free to contact me! I also invite other bloggers to join on their blog! I'd love to have a list started so either send me an email or leave your blog below with your sentence.

Happy writing!

This month's Sentence Starter is:
'September is the perfect month to go apple picking,' she thought as she swung her basket to-and-fro.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Half way reminder and a thank you!

It is now half way through out first Story a Month and we have already gotten some great responses! I am really looking forward to the finished story. Even if it doesn't finish or it doesn't get many more sentences, the fact that people are interested in participating gives me a thrill (I am a huge literary advocate) and I hope it only continues to grow. Writing should be something that is enjoyable, so why not do it with friends?

Hermione from Hermione's Heart gave me a shout out (Thank you!) and the comments started! I also noticed that some other bloggers seemed to be interested in the idea. If any of you out in blogland are interested in participating in the Story a Month on you blog, please email me and I will set up a link at the top of the Story of the Month page at the top of this blog.

To participate in this month's story click here.

On a personal note, after a slightly hectic start to life Peanut is doing great! Peanut is growing like a weed, starting to chat up a storm, and keeping me constantly on my toes. As soon as nap times become more regular I hope to be back here a little more and finally finish the novels that are floating around my head.

Keep safe everyone!

Felicia

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Sentence Starter - August 2013

Welcome to this month's Story of the Month!

Please review the rules to learn how to play here!


This month's Sentence Starter is:

The lazy black cat lay stretched languidly out in front of the cozy fireplace.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

New project - Help Wanted!





Recently Blogland lost an inspirational blogger and although I did not know him personally, I was often one of his "Lurkers". Bas often talked about the courage it takes for lurkers to "come out" and I couldn't agree more. So I have created a new project and I invite everyone who comes across this site to participate!

It's going to be.....Story-A-Month project!

Starting this August I am going to put a sentence under the title Sentence of the Month! You are invited to post the next sentence underneath the last person who posted.

Example:

Post: It was a dark and stormy night in Dreamsville.
Bob: Most of the residence were shut in for the evening with the exception of Danny.
Betty: She had mischief on her mind as she sneaked across town, armed with water balloons.
And so on. After the end of the month I will post the whole story (edited without names of course so it flows like a story) in a new post available on a newly formed Page across the top of the screen. I will keep the original still for everyone to see who participated in it as well as putting the names on the finished story.

There will have to be several rules (doesn't there always??) and I reserve the right to change them if need be. I'll start with the negatives first to get them out of the way:
1. No spanking scenes containing children ( I know it's obvious but still has to be said)
2. No criticisms of previous sentences
3. Only add one sentence at a time
4. Wait for someone else to post before adding another line (you can post as many times as you want as long as you follow this rule)

And some positive rules:
1. If you are presented with two possible sentences because two people posted at the same time, choose one and keep going!
2. Have fun with this!
3. Use your imagination!
4. Anonymous users are welcome too!
5. Add as many spanking scenes as possible!

If you have any suggestions for starting sentences please drop me a line! I will be keeping a list of potential starters and I'd love to add yours!

Keep safe everyone!

Felicia

Monday, July 8, 2013

In Remembrance of Bas

This week Blogland said goodbye to a friend and fellow blogger. 

I never knew Bas personally, but as I begin reintroducing myself into this community his posts were always very raw and truthful and helped me overcome the feeling of shame that I still feel. He had a way of connecting to his readers which allow them to see his emotions, concerns, and opinions and, even if you did not agree with him, they never felt forced upon you.

He said something that resonated with me:

Blogland is different from everything I have ever seen.
People here care for each other and don’t expect anything back.
Here, I felt Agape love, the kind of love I thought, that could not exist.
Here, I told people who I have never met, that I love them. And meant every word of it.

This is a community more so than I think I realized in the past. We are a community based on a common interest, but there is so much more to this connection as is evident from the blog posts and comments surrounding this man. His wall is covered with comments and condolences from people, many of whom I'm sure he had never met in his real-life but mean every heartfelt word. 

Even as his time on this earth came to a close Bas was thinking of others, telling us to blog on and that lurkers are always welcomed, no matter how different they appear.

May you rest in peace Bas, and may we will take your message to heart. You said it best:

Please keep blogging, remember your joy when you first found Blogland.Keep the torch burning and give it new bloggers.
Please remember those in our Blogland family who suffer from illness. They need you.
Please remember my little Lisa.I love you.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Equality - for everyone



Facebook is a great waste of time for many reasons:
- too many games to play
- too many updates on dinners you just had (seriously, once every so often of a particularly good burger or elaborate dessert is fine but not every morsel you've ingested)
- cat memes

But every so often, this social medium can be used as a force of good.George Takei (may he live long and prosper) posts regularly and I often enjoy his humour through pictures and comments. Today I had to pause for a second because he asked his readers to change their Facebook picture to an equal sign in support of same-sex marriage vote happening in the USA today. Instead, today I wish to post my support here.

This post is not going to be a demand for same-sex marriage rights (especially since I don't actually live in the USA). My views are my views and although I am willing to discuss them, I am not looking to say one group this right and one group is wrong. I believe we, fundamentally, as humans are way too complex to have a one size fits all for everything that life involves. Nor am I going to say if you think differently you are a horrible person. I would not want other peoples views forced upon me and I don't wish to do that to you. If you do not want to read about my pro-same sex marriage post, please keep reading with an open mind and heart (and civil tongue) or stop now. The choice is yours.

Same-sex couples do not make sense evolutionary in terms of procreation. Throughout history, especially when birth and infancy was so precarious, in order to keep the human race going the children were had, the more likely your genes continue. Obviously same-sex couples cannot have their own children naturally, which does not help with keeping the population growing.

Yet there are plenty of examples of homosexuality almost everywhere around the world all through recorded history. One only has to go to a museum or read ancient texts/stories to understand this. The fact that it has been banned by a different religious or social groups is an indication of the fact that it was at least recognised. This is not something new and not something that can be "cured".

Love is an emotion that is relatively new to our society in terms of our understanding of it. Marriages were almost never based on what we would consider love. They were often political alliances for the wealthy and security for everyone else. One only has to do pick up a Jane Austen novel to see how precarious life could be and what marriage could mean to the entire family. Yes, there might have been some attraction in the beginning, or even after the marriage, but to say that marriage was based on love as a whole is a bit naive.

I have been part of LGBTTIQQ2SA (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transsexual, Transgender, Intersex, Queer/Questioning, 2 Spirited, Allies) communities in an indirect ways for many years and several of my friends and colleagues identify themselves as part of this community. Their love for each other is no different than the love that I have for my partner. We have the right to be considered married under the law and all the privileges and safety nets that affords us.  Why should they not have the same thing?

This is not about religion. It should never be about religion. If the religious institutions do not wish to perform same-sex marriages why should they be forced to? There are many religious institutions I would not be able to be married in because I am not part of that community. In fact, I could not get married in the religious institution I identify with because there are no groups in my area. The civil service, which is just as legally binding with all the same privileges and safety nets, should be afforded to those whom wish it. To tell me that marriage is a sacred institution that should be preserved when divorce is so rampent drives me up the wall when people who care in love each other are not allowed to celebrate that and be protected. They are willingly entering a consenting relationship.

The spanking community knows all about consent. It's the word we cling to when facing judgement on what we consider to be a huge, often biological, part of our lives. Our own community is often divided into many different likes, dislikes, and a large range of activities. Who are we to say one group of educated, mentally abled, consenting adults who can commit to each other and explore their own passions, just like us, should not have an opportunity? Consent, as always, should always be taken into account. It was not that long ago that people of different races were not allowed to marry in the United States, and there are still places all around the world where human beings are not allowed to express their love, no matter what their sexual orientation is.

I remember when the debate started in Canada in 2004 and how surprised I was that same-sex couples could not get married. I had always assumed that they could. The law was passed, the world didn't end, and if I remember correctly, no one really talked about it afterwards. There wasn't even much of an uproar here. It was considered normal, as if it should have been the norm all along. I hope one day that we will all be able to freely and live in the consenting relationships we will want without being afraid of judgement or are being outright denied the very basic human interaction of love and companionship. Maybe not in my life time, but soon...

Who knows, it may even make the divorce rate drop, which I'm sure would make those claiming the sacred institution argument happy ;)

Stay safe everyone, and good luck to all those waiting for the decision. May the force be with you!

Felicia

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Sunday Musings - New Addition to the Family!




A couple of weeks ago I decided to take a break from blogging and writing while I prepared to step into the role of motherhood. This pregnancy has certainly had its share scary moments and amazing times and my little Peanut's arrival was not going to be any different.

And so Peanut arrived...induced, early, and beautiful. In mere seconds the elevated heart rate during delivery, the months of *hoping* I wasn't going to go into premature labour, and the numerous other complications that arose during this whole journey melted away. Peanut is here and, as the nickname suggests, Peanut is small but a fighter.

And is very much loved.

I will still be taking a bit of a break online but hopefully during nap times I'll be able to get some writing/blogging done.

Keep safe everyone!

Felicia

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Taking a break...



I am going to be taking a short break from blogging and writing for a while. Emotionally my heart is not in it right now, my thoughts are so scattered I'm hardly making sense to many people, and I need to concentrate on keeping myself sane and my baby healthy. I hope to be back within the month, but the way things are going right now it's two steps forward and a jump back. I am still in fighting mode, which has served me well the last few months, but I am ready for a break.

Besides, this whole "no spanking while pregnant" just plain sucks and does not provide me with any inspiration whatsoever! After a taste in the real world, words on a page and blogs can only sustain one's imagination for so long. Soon I hope the break will be over, but in the same breath not too soon as I want my baby to have the best chance it can.

Since I am starting to ramble (see scattered comment from above) I will sign off.

Keep safe everyone!

Felicia

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Sunday Musings - The joys of hope


These last few weeks have been a little eye-opening for me. As motherhood approaches, I'm beginning to become full of optimism. The complications I've been dealing with are righting themselves, my baby is active, and I'm feeling blessed with all the preparations others have helped me with.

That being said, new complications have arisen which might have me being induced but considering all the other possibilities we were facing before I am in a much better comfort zone than at the beginning of this rather exciting journey.

I am also looking forward to getting back into the swing of things spanking wise. This really hasn't been much of a spanking blog, what with the distinct lack of any spanking related activity in my life. Unfortunately between my full time work and my lack of ability to do anything but sleep at home has led me to not write much either. Eventually though, this too will pass.

By the way, Braxton Hicks can kiss my Canadian ass.

Just saying.

Stay safe everyone!

Felicia

Monday, April 22, 2013

Earth Day




"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not."
Dr. SeussThe Lorax

Please practice responsible kinkery today by recycling, being aware of shipping distances and sustainability. 

Keep safe everyone and enjoy a beautiful Earth Day!
Felicia

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

3 little words

I'm not one to jump on activities but the one that has been circulating the blog scene seems like fun! The point of this is to try and answer the questions with three words, which is surprisingly difficult.

1. Where is your cell phone?  Right beside me
2. Boyfriend/girlfriend?  From high school
3. Hair?  Thin, stringy mess
4. Your mother?  Lives close by
5. Your father?  With my mother
6. Your favorite item(s)?  Roof, Food, Clothes
7. Your dream last night?  Evil green snakes
8. Your favorite drink?  Pineapples and Oranges
9. Your dream guy/girl?  One who listens
10. The room you are in?  My (tidy) bedroom
11. Your fear?  Of losing opportunities
12. What do you want to be in 10 years?  Alive and kicking
13. Who did you hang out with last night?  My fluffy pillows
14. What are you not?  Outgoing and predictable
15. What's outside your window?  Food glorious food....
16. One of your wish list items?  A better memory
17. What time is it?  Six to Eight
18. The last thing you did?  Watched a show
19. What are you wearing?  Boring work clothes
20. Your favorite book?  I can't choose
21. The last thing you ate?  Bowl of pasta
22. Your life?  Chaos plus basket
23. Your mood?  Up and down
24. Your car?  I rarely drive
25. What are you doing at this moment?  Writing this survey

26. Your summer?  Will be busy
27. Travel plans?  Not anything soon
28. What is on your TV screen?  Stupid screaming creatures
29. Last time you cried?  Pregnant...enough said
30. School? Always and ongoing 


If you blog I hope you will join in this game and let everyone get to know you better.

On a more personal note, it's been a busy few days and it only promises to be busier. I am hoping to continue to write/blog and with a little luck get back on track and finally finish the last chapter of the story I've been working on the last little while. Spring is just around the corner and I am looking forward to all that it promises!

Stay safe everyone!

Felicia

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Sunday Musings - Age of consent

As I have difficulty sticking to one project at a time, I've been trying my hand at a more contemporary story/novel. An interesting juxtaposition I am having while starting this story is the idea of one's right to live/have the type of relationship you want while still living in what is considered a "healthy" relationship.

In a historical context, it's fairly easy to write spanking scenes where the line of consent is crossed. Human rights were not universal and even discouraged. Often women had more rights than we imagine (particularly in the middle ages for me) but they were given by men, protected by men, and taken by men. Fantasy/Sci Fi also lends itself well to non-consensual spankings as the author gets to make up the rules. Even in many contemporary societies, while spanking relationships may not be the norm, consent to other aspects of a relationship is not always legally required.

I've been reading/researching a fair amount of blogs by people who practice DD (Domestic Discipline) relationships and while that is not what my story is about at this point, I can certainly see the appeal of that lifestyle in many ways. Most speak of home being a more relaxed and fluent atmosphere, of being able to focus on their specific aspect of their life, and that their relationship changes as it needs to. One DD relationship never looks the same as another which is why I think I'm having difficulty defining how my characters will have a healthy relationship as I don't practice DD and doubt I will get the chance to try it (spanking games are fine but I doubt my partner will ever channel his inner Head of Household and I am fine with that). One common theme in all the blogs I would consider with healthy relationships is respect for both partners equally, which of course makes them very different from historical relationships where it may have been present, but it was certainly not required.

Some people are very comfortable with their kink and are okay with their need/want to be spanked. I'm the first to admit that I'm not always at ease with it which can make writing/asking/even blog hopping a challenge depending on the day.

On a slightly different but related topic, breastfeeding in public has come up a few times in the female dominated workforce I belong to, with varying opinions. As in our little spanking community and the BDMS community, what is totally normal and fine for one may not be for another. Where one draws the line differs from place to place, blog to blog, even couch seat to couch seat (or sofa for those who don't speak "Canadian").

I'm still exploring what a "healthy" spanking relationship means to me. Since I can't explore it right now in real life, I'm nine pages into it fictionally. And it's still evolving.

Just wanted to add this comic because I think it sums up my point nicely about how some find one behaviour natural and others find it repugnant.


I may not be crafty, but that is totally how I would respond....but I also probably would have been covering to begin with so does that mean I'm against public breast feeding? See my dilemma? I really need to channel my inner Voltaire...

So my question to you is how would you define a healthy spanking relationship, DD or otherwise? Has your definition changed over time?

Stay safe everyone!

Felicia.

Happy Easter!



Happy Easter to those who celebrate it!

And to those who don't, happy day off work!

Stay safe everyone!

Felicia

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Sunday Musings - Happy St. Patrick's Day!

HAPPY ST. PAT'S DAY!

Well, no I'm not actually Irish, I'm Canadian but I'll take the spanking anyway!



I HATE being pinched and tickled (much to my partner's amusement!). And considering I have no green clothes that still fit...

I have never really been one to partake in the drinking side of the festivities but I dyed my hair green for the day once in my "rebellious" years. My parents flipped out when I came home until I, after a time, mentioned that it washed out in the shower. 

So what shenanigans have you gotten up to this fine, green day? Any past activities you now look back on with fondness?

Keep safe!

May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead!

Felicia

Edit: Sorry, don't know what happened there. Hopefully the post stays like it should
Edit again: Ok I give up...it stays this way. Blogger: 1 Me: 0

Friday, March 15, 2013

Sunday Musings and questions

Ok, yes, I know it's Friday, but I started this post on Sunday and I'm going to finish my musings gosh darn it!

So life is hectic and although I seem to have gotten over my writers block (food always works, especially when you are eating for two!). I've managed 10 more pages in the last few weeks which is good for me. I've given up trying to finish my books by a self imposed deadline. That's what work is for. I like to try for fun while I write and I will continue to do to!

But that led to another conversation in my head.

I am not the most organized person, despite my best efforts. This applies to my work, my house, my writing. I'm what many term "learning disabled" (I am not getting into the argument of what I hate that term or into any argument with people of why they don't think it exists) and even though it applies mainly to academic work like writing, it really permeates all my life.

It drives my partner crazy too. I start a project but I tend to have to pause and rethink my plan, but my brain is slower than most in its processing speed (yep, it's been tested. 95% of people are faster thinkers than me!)  or I get distracted because something else has a more pressing time limit which I have to deal with first.

Which leads to the dilemma which led to the conversation in my head.

I've belonged to several forums and groups to do with spanking and one thing that always struck me is the use of spanking to try and form new habits and break old ones. It is not a lifestyle I would want to participate in but it did get me thinking.

Would a spanking help me focus more or be quicker at my work? It's a theme in many spanking stories and novels. A hot temper, not thinking actions through, or not behaving properly are often the antecedent to the punishment spanking.

Is this a bad thing? Of course not! It can lead to some very entertaining reading but in reality, for someone like me, would the threat of a spanking not make me write faster, complete tasks quicker or stay on one task longer than another? Probably not. It would just get me spanked more...which is not necessarily a bad thing.

I am very comfortable with my brain, and have been for some time. I find ways to get around the difficulties that I come up against in my every day life. I research organizational tips, software that will increase my ability to write quickly, or look for organizers to help me manage our food better.

But part of me always wonders...what if I asked my partner to help me write more regularly both here (hence a Sunday post on a Friday) or finish another chapter of my novels when I have the stories in my head.

Unfortunately I can hear his response "Why don't you use your speech-to-text software?" and he'd be right because those options are available to me, why not use them?

*Sigh*

On a completely different note, I have noticed that March seems to be a "ask the blogger a question" month and I'd like to open that option to those who read this blog. I will try my best to actually answer them in a timely manner!

Keep safe!

Felicia

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Defining myself

It's interesting, I have never been able to keep a diary or journal for more than a week at a time. I have always wanted to ever since I began reading as a child since I viewed the stories as such an intimate view into someone's life. It never really occurred to me to distinguished between fact and fiction in those early years. Since I was drawn to the historical novels like Little House on the Prairie, diaries and other historical documents were a natural leap for me as a grew. I lapped them up in my post secondary years, wondering if they ever thought someone would be so eager to read something that must have been so mundane to them.

I have been in a real funk lately, which always leads me to a desire to journal. I've been struggling with my kink, struggling with my work and writing, feeling frustrated when I am unable to communicate a very, for a lack of better work, simplistic need to someone I love very deeply and I trust, yet all I can do is sit in a chair and try and breathe.

Does he know about my interest in spanking? Yes, he has known for almost 10 years. Doesn't mean I was ready to share everything with him. There is so much more that I have learned in the last ten years that I want to share. It's just been hidden so long it's more of a comfort having it to myself than sharing with the world.

BUT

Getting back to the reason for this post: diaries! I recently joined an online group and it gives an option to fill in a little comment box about myself. I am a very private person so I find this type of activity very difficult to complete. To talk about myself seems boring while reading about others is interesting to me. So many different personalities and writing styles, one could get lost in the world of blogs.

One worries about giving too much information away, about missing out on friendships because not enough was given...yep, I'm a worrier.

Perhaps part of this stems from my lack of spanking stimulation and lack of contact with people with "like minds".

I am starting to ramble so it's time to stop!

I shall have to come up with a reason for this blog. It started as a outlet, then became a writers blog....now, I'm not sure anymore. I'll figure it out. Something always works out in time.

Stay safe everyone!

Felicia

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Information Overload

Sometimes there is such a thing as too much information.

This week I received some news regarding my medical status and of course it's never a matter of "it's this problem and this is how to fix it." It was "I want you to get more tests done and I really would like them done by the end of the week."

So after getting the tests done, I go home and do one of the worst thing you can do when you are already wound up tighter than a spinning top.

I hop on Google and started researching. Last time I did this had me in tears within minutes. This time I at least had a definite diagnosis and luckily there was a lot of "it's a pain and limiting, but it's not dangerous." The sweet feeling of relief....which was later confirmed by the doctor.

Now, the internet can be a wonderful tool to find information but it can also be very overwhelming. I often see advice on spanking forums and blogs of getting your partner on the internet and researching if they are not familiar with the community. I'm sure for some this is a great idea, especially if they are in to a wide variety of fetishes/practices.

I am not one of those people. In fact I am almost vanilla when I compare my tastes to most it seems. It's often made me question if I truly am "kinky." I remember years ago feeling completely overwhelmed and doubting whether I belonged to the community because so many of the pictures, videos and stories didn't interest me at all, with some almost scaring me me away. They no longer do in the same sense because of the stress on consent in most places, but when it's something completely foreign to you and you are already trying so hard to figure out if you are weird or not, it can be a complete turn off.

I've often debated sharing blogs and websites with my partner. There are lots of tame, informational places on the net but I always seem to have a reason not to. The ads might give him the wrong impression, the information is not quite what I'm looking for, or (and this one is probably the most accurate) I just can't bring myself to do it because I imagine the worse reactions that he wouldn't actually have. We are often our own worse enemies in that way.

So what are your thoughts? Should you try and limit what your partners sees initially or let them dive head first into such a diverse world with no guidance? Should it be somewhere in the middle? Is it too much of a specific situation to answer broadly?

Take care and stay safe,

Felicia

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Lack of inspiration...mixed with hope

I cannot claim to have found this picture on my own. Hermione of Hermione's Heart has a wonderfully entertaining blog which often have funny and thought provoking pictures.  I laughed so hard I had to share it.

She also finds and gives samples of some very interesting stories and is quite an author onto herself. She has a number of real life stories which inspire and draw you into her mind.

Speaking of inspiration...I have been relatively uninspired lately. I think part of it is a definite lack of any spanking play. We (or rather I) made that decision early on in my pregnancy and I am glad we have stuck to it. There have been a number of "complications" that have cropped up over the past little while which have led to many doctor trips (baby is fine, thankfully!) and, as I bruise ridiculously easily, not having to worry about any possible conversation about abuse, even with my very open-minded doctor, has been one less stress.

This withdrawal is a strange feeling for me, one I am not very familiar with. I spent the majority of my relationship not getting any type of spanking what so ever. I lived vicariously on many other peoples' experiences and stories on forums. Blogs never really crossed my mind but 10 years ago I don't know how many there were. Even before my current condition, I certainly wouldn't say I got a "good" spanking but our experiences and courage was rapidly growing and I miss that terribly. I think my partner is missing it a bit too, because he occasionally taps my bottom and almost looks longingly at me. *sigh* My vanilla partner was just starting to show his colours.

On a writing note, I keep reading the two novels I'm currently writing over and over, having very little idea on how to move the story forward or connect the bits that I have together. Or I know exactly what I want to happen but there are no words that fit properly on the page. The words I've picked seem childish, or don't fit with the rest of the writing style I've used. I've added words, a paragraph here or there, but since I tend to write short novels rather than novellas, to me they are not done yet although I am sure they could be a story unto themselves.

It's exceedingly frustrating!

On a positive note, since I am forced to "relax" more (and I use this term sarcastically) my academic and personal interest hobbies are being learned at a much quicker rate than normal. Hmm...perhaps my heroines need a similar projects?

My frustrations have been vented and I feel surprisingly good about it. Thanks for listening!

Now it's your turn!

What do you do when you are forced into a spanking fast and are facing withdrawal? Anything you do to battle writers block?

Keep safe!

Felicia

Sunday, January 20, 2013

How did I get into spanking?

Renee Rose at http://www.reneeroseromance.com asked the question and I thought it's such a simple question to answer it can be my post for the week!

Simple indeed...as if life is ever simple.

I think it has always been part of my being. I remember watching "old" cartoons and religiously waiting for the rerun with that little spanking mention or, if the Gods were on my side, an actual smack or two. I never really desired to be spanked, it was just absolutely fascinating.

The strange thing was, I never connected it to sexual desire. Not until much much later and it took the internet to really start that train of thought. Oddly enough it was during a research project in my post-secondary years which took me to the site Spanking Classics on a completely unrelated topic to spanking. Then, in the course of a few hours, an entirely new world opened up to me. One that told me I was not alone and that what I was feeling was accepted by some.

Many great writers have added their works to that site and I would recommend you take a look and register. It is a quite site right now, as always happens with the ebbs and flow of how the spanking culture has changed. Hopefully that will change in the future. It is also a great site to gather information on and ask questions.

That is how I got my introduction into the spanking world and it has been growing ever since, but that's another post.

So the question is, how did you get started? Was it a film? A website? Just a feeling you had? Would you recommend a site for those just starting their journey?

Keep well and stay safe!

Felicia

Friday, January 18, 2013

Interview by Renee Rose

I was quite honoured to be interviewed by Renee Rose for her blog a little while ago. On top of being quite an accomplished writer herself, she often interviews other authors on her blog which can be quite illuminating. I often enjoy reading about the different thought processes of writers and how different they often are.

The interview can be found on her blog and I strongly suggest look over the many short stories she has on her blog. They are well worth a read.

Take care everyone and stay safe!

Felicia