Sunday, February 24, 2013

Defining myself

It's interesting, I have never been able to keep a diary or journal for more than a week at a time. I have always wanted to ever since I began reading as a child since I viewed the stories as such an intimate view into someone's life. It never really occurred to me to distinguished between fact and fiction in those early years. Since I was drawn to the historical novels like Little House on the Prairie, diaries and other historical documents were a natural leap for me as a grew. I lapped them up in my post secondary years, wondering if they ever thought someone would be so eager to read something that must have been so mundane to them.

I have been in a real funk lately, which always leads me to a desire to journal. I've been struggling with my kink, struggling with my work and writing, feeling frustrated when I am unable to communicate a very, for a lack of better work, simplistic need to someone I love very deeply and I trust, yet all I can do is sit in a chair and try and breathe.

Does he know about my interest in spanking? Yes, he has known for almost 10 years. Doesn't mean I was ready to share everything with him. There is so much more that I have learned in the last ten years that I want to share. It's just been hidden so long it's more of a comfort having it to myself than sharing with the world.

BUT

Getting back to the reason for this post: diaries! I recently joined an online group and it gives an option to fill in a little comment box about myself. I am a very private person so I find this type of activity very difficult to complete. To talk about myself seems boring while reading about others is interesting to me. So many different personalities and writing styles, one could get lost in the world of blogs.

One worries about giving too much information away, about missing out on friendships because not enough was given...yep, I'm a worrier.

Perhaps part of this stems from my lack of spanking stimulation and lack of contact with people with "like minds".

I am starting to ramble so it's time to stop!

I shall have to come up with a reason for this blog. It started as a outlet, then became a writers blog....now, I'm not sure anymore. I'll figure it out. Something always works out in time.

Stay safe everyone!

Felicia

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Information Overload

Sometimes there is such a thing as too much information.

This week I received some news regarding my medical status and of course it's never a matter of "it's this problem and this is how to fix it." It was "I want you to get more tests done and I really would like them done by the end of the week."

So after getting the tests done, I go home and do one of the worst thing you can do when you are already wound up tighter than a spinning top.

I hop on Google and started researching. Last time I did this had me in tears within minutes. This time I at least had a definite diagnosis and luckily there was a lot of "it's a pain and limiting, but it's not dangerous." The sweet feeling of relief....which was later confirmed by the doctor.

Now, the internet can be a wonderful tool to find information but it can also be very overwhelming. I often see advice on spanking forums and blogs of getting your partner on the internet and researching if they are not familiar with the community. I'm sure for some this is a great idea, especially if they are in to a wide variety of fetishes/practices.

I am not one of those people. In fact I am almost vanilla when I compare my tastes to most it seems. It's often made me question if I truly am "kinky." I remember years ago feeling completely overwhelmed and doubting whether I belonged to the community because so many of the pictures, videos and stories didn't interest me at all, with some almost scaring me me away. They no longer do in the same sense because of the stress on consent in most places, but when it's something completely foreign to you and you are already trying so hard to figure out if you are weird or not, it can be a complete turn off.

I've often debated sharing blogs and websites with my partner. There are lots of tame, informational places on the net but I always seem to have a reason not to. The ads might give him the wrong impression, the information is not quite what I'm looking for, or (and this one is probably the most accurate) I just can't bring myself to do it because I imagine the worse reactions that he wouldn't actually have. We are often our own worse enemies in that way.

So what are your thoughts? Should you try and limit what your partners sees initially or let them dive head first into such a diverse world with no guidance? Should it be somewhere in the middle? Is it too much of a specific situation to answer broadly?

Take care and stay safe,

Felicia